Mindset

Emotional Health

Country Tree

Image obtained through creative commons web search and no copyrights were violated.

The Trouble Tree

by Author Unknown

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job.

A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.  On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles, he hugged his two small children, and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.  “Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied.” I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing’s for sure, troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again.”  He paused. “Funny thing is,” he smiled, “when I come out in the morning to pick ’em up, there ain’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

Moral of the story: Troubles are only as big as we let them be. Removing ourselves from the situation(s) and doing other activities to take our minds off of troubles sets them aside for a brief time. Sleeping on it allows our minds to focus on others, and to rest. Revisiting problems after a time makes the problems look different, not so bad, and more palatable to cope with.

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Mindset Clutter

What is mindset clutter?

The dictionary defines mindset as: an attitude, disposition, or mood. Then clutter as: to fill or litter with things in a disorderly manner, as well as: a state or condition of confusion.

mindset image

 

Looking over our lives we’ve all hit confusing times. There’s times when we’re simply at a loss as to what we’re doing.

This post was inspired by someone who wrote about physical clutter in her home and how liberating and lighting it was to declutter. I got to thinking. This is exactly like the way our minds are.

Where do we get our mindsets from? In the image above, in the very center of the image it says: Belief. Where do we get our belief system?

We are influenced by our environment and all the people we associate ourselves with as we go through life.

Have you found yourself infuriated about something and you don’t understand or know why? How did it come to this?

It is because we’ve adopted someone else’s beliefs creating a habit in our behavior that formed where we are right now.

At some point we have to stop, step back a few steps, do a deep soul evaluation. Figure out what our value system is and what we value in life. Once we figure that portion out it becomes clear what we really value and figure out our own belief system.

It’s scary at first because it conjures up doubt and questions who we really are.

This in and of itself is very liberating, because, it throws open, wide, the doors of our mind and allows up to open our minds to throw out the unwanted bits and rearrange other bits to come up with what we can call: “A Beautiful Mind”. Just like redecorating the inside of your home or business. If you’ve ever done a remodel or redecoration this will make sense.

The same way with disorganized stuff sitting around… our mind collects stuff over time and becomes disorganized with ideas, beliefs, etc.

It’s important to reorganize and declutter those things we don’t need and do not add value to our lives anymore. In doing so, it opens up opportunities to move forward in your life to improvements and to be more successful in your endeavors of life.

Do you find yourself confused and at a loss as to what to do next? It’s ok, as long as we do something to figure it out and move on, we’ll be ok. It’s when you do not do anything about it and get stuck. You will literally be mentally stuck, or mentally paralyzed. I’ve been there. It’s a very frustrating place to be.

Contact me for some coaching sessions to help you declutter and free your mind of the non-valuable things in the way.

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Self-Judgment

self judgement imageWe are our worse enemy. How many times have you heard that? I believe it. I’ve been hard on myself.

We have these self-limiting beliefs that’s like protocol on a job. We have learned this mindset through a variety of people, communities, society, and other things. Depending on those you’ve accepted into your circle, they can be nourishing or life draining.

I came across Hack Life blog some time ago. They have some profound posts there. Their post got me thinking about how I am living. In doing so, I think of you, the reader. I want to pass on information that will help you.

Self-Judgement. What is it? The dictionary defines it as: “the act or fact of judging oneself.”  There’s things we tell ourselves like:

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m fat
  • I’m ugly
  • I’ll never make it in life

In the link I provided above there’s 9 lies that we tend to think about ourselves. The short list above is an example of some of the thoughts.

This type of thinking is devastating and destructive. This type of thinking allows fear to grow. Fear is a perceived threat to us. Fear of all sorts of life situations can manifest when we have self-limiting beliefs. Fear causes a mental paralysis where we get stuck in life.

My question is: What if we stopped self-judging and laid aside the self-limiting beliefs? What would happen?

My answer: Nothing life threatening happens. I had this experience. I lived with self-limiting beliefs for a very long time. I was my hardest critic.

When we lay aside the negative feedback loop and replace is with positive nourishing feedback it opens up a world of freedom.

Stop listening to the world around you. Do some soul searching. If you need to, clean house. Let go of the life-suckers. Find nourishing supportive people to be around. Learn something new.

What are some self-judgments you can add to the list? Leave me a comment and let’s chat.

Growth Mindset

According to mindset works:

When students and educators have a growth mindset, they understand that intelligence can be developed. Students focus on improvement instead of worrying about how smart they are. They work hard to learn more and get smarter. Based on years of research by Stanford University’s Dr. Dweck, Lisa Blackwell Ph.D., and their colleagues, we know that students who learn this mindset show greater motivation in school, better grades, and higher test scores.

Here’s two videos that explain and describe growth mindset as they know it:

An online educator: Khan Academy and what they offer to educate and help people grow.

This video is one of Ted Talks with Angela Lee Duckworth, Psychologist.

Nobody is born to be experts immediately. We learn and grow.

A quote from Shabbir Dahod of tracelink:

While intelligence is required, Angela demonstrated that the determining factors for success were perseverance, hard work and a drive to improve.” – Shabbir Dahod, tracelink

Where does that drive to improve come from?

When we were babies learning to do the basic things like cooing, rolling over, crawling, talking, walking we were encouraged by our family and friends. When one is encouraged they are inspired and motivated to improve and do more. As a child grows they lean in one direction or the other in what interests them. With encouragement they develop those interests. Even if someone isn’t strong in one area, they can learn and grow.

It all comes down to positive mental attitude. Negative doesn’t breed positive. So, we need to have a positive mindset along with the drive to improve. It helps to surround oneself with positive people who support you.

I am a Mindset Life Coach. I facilitate people to learn to change their perception of life so they can have a positive outlook and improve themselves.

When you find yourself stuck in life and need a nudge to move forward a coach [there’s many different types of coaching] is helpful to shed some light on life.

Contact me today for some coaching sessions to help you move forward in life.

DREAM

Watch the video. It speaks for itself.

What’s holding you back?

For me, it’s fear of the unknown. It’s fear of not being good enough. It’s fear of how others perceive me. It’s fear; plain and simple.

Why do we fear? Here’s an excerpt from the article Angela Percival (Fear of the Unknown and How the Mind Works) wrote:

When we are experiencing factors in life that are unknown, especially issues around security, this can trigger survival instincts and the ‘flight or fight’ responses. If we are not sure that we are secure in the world, the fear can be intense – for example, if we have lost our job and aren’t sure how we will pay our bills. Even if the change is positive, like getting married, we can still feel elements of fear as we are fundamentally making a change and the consequences of that change are as yet unknown to us.

It’s all a matter of processing and how we perceive life. I went through a mindset reset a couple years ago. It’s something I still struggle with. We all do.

Chase after your dream! If you have obstacles, remove them. No excuses!

Contact me if you feel you need help. Coaching sessions are helpful.

Do you know you’re blocking your own success?

“You have a choice. You’ve always had a choice. It’s OK not to fit in. It’s OK to follow your own path and see where it leads rather than arranging your life to fit someone else’s concept of success. Figure that out, and you’ll find the adventure you’re looking for. Figure that out, and you’ll find happiness.” by Kate Luther

I came across an article about success. It spoke profoundly to me. I’ve always lived with fears and self-doubt. Kate Luther, who’s quote above, shared ways to overcome the negative mindset.

In our life we are surrounded by people we feel we can trust. Unbeknownst to us many of those people aren’t feeding our minds positively. Next thing you know you have all these preconceived notions about how life “should be”. When things don’t go like we want them we get down and disappointed and become depressed eventually giving up. We must never give up.

In this article, Kate goes into some details. She explains the reality of our mindset and how to overcome that.

Are you tired of not succeeding? Contact me for some coaching sessions to help iron out what you can do to be successful. We all like to succeed in life.

Emotional Self-Reliance

lost and faded image
This is a hard place for me. I’m pretty sure it is a hard place for many. We’re emotional beings. We learn from a young age to depend on others for what we need, including emotionally.

When others fail us we fall into the pit of despair, creating depression and being withdrawn and isolated.

All of those things are a bad place to be. I love how Leo Babauta describes and defines this in his article: Becoming Emotionally Self-Reliant. He offers some great options and questions to help us put our emotional health into perspective. Me included.

I’ve been going through this transformation, albeit awesome and wonderful, has it’s potholes and bumps along the way.

There’s nothing wrong with being emotional. It’s how we cope with it and handle it. Check out Leo’s post linked above and ask yourself the questions he offers. Get alone and do some soul searching. I do it often. Meditating/praying is awesome at centering me. Being centered is vital to our mental health.

Coaching offers assistance in clarifying our life’s journey. Contact me for coaching sessions or questions about coaching.

Self Confidence Habits

We’ve all seen those personal development articles and posts that give tips for living a better life to be a better you.

I came across Kate Luther‘s post linked below:

The 5 Habits You Must Break to Become More Self-Confident

To be honest, our habits are formed by our mindset. What kind of mindset do you have?

There are two major mindsets: fixed mindset and growth mindset. The fixed mindset holds you prisoner and holds you back. The growth mindset launches you forward.

Which mindset are you? Whichever you are determines your outcome in life. You are able to adopt a growth mindset.

Here’s some steps you can take to jump-start your new mindset:

  • Identify words, thoughts and actions that restrict you and keep you a prisoner.
  • Once you begin to identify these you’ll be in a state of transition and easily choose the growth mindset.

In order to make these changes you must believe you are able and believe in yourself to do it.

Growth mindset looks like this:

  • Thoughts of: Being intelligence, Being skillful, Being talented
  • Sounds like: “I know I have a choice and I will do something about it.” “I’m not perfect, I just work hard.”
  • Actions look like: Finding new ways that work, trying new things that are effective, reject what does not work, sustaining your moving forward path.

If you slip, just start where you are and keep going forward. It takes 28 days to create a new habit.

Are you ready to grow? What will you do next to grow?

If you need assistance contact me for some life coaching sessions.

Defining Yourself

Daily we’re faced with doubts, fears and all manner of negativity. It comes from all types of sources.

Don’t let other people define you. It’s not their life; it’s not their story. Live your own life, and write your own story. Define yourself. -Uknown

When faced with these challenges it’s hard to not allow it get to us. I go through this too. I was bullied for a very long time.

Bullies have issues too. The reason they are bullies is because they don’t know how to handle their issues. The way they handle their {monsters within} is to attack other people to try to control them.

When others see in you what they fear they fight back to try to block it out.

Watch this TEDx video and see an example of what this gal did to overcome her self doubt and bullying: How Do You Define Yourself? Click the link.

zig ziglar quote

Don’t give anyone permission to control you. Show them the door and send them on their way.

Some tips to help:

  1. Have a good support system around you.
  2. Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself, “This is going to be a good day!” and make it so.
  3. Do something positive for yourself and anyone who happens to cross your path in the process.
  4. As the quote goes: “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Be an example.

Please share your experience. Let others know they can get through it, because it has been done. Letting others know they’re not alone in all this is an encouragement and a hope to keep going.