Mindset

Emotional Self-Reliance

lost and faded image
This is a hard place for me. I’m pretty sure it is a hard place for many. We’re emotional beings. We learn from a young age to depend on others for what we need, including emotionally.

When others fail us we fall into the pit of despair, creating depression and being withdrawn and isolated.

All of those things are a bad place to be. I love how Leo Babauta describes and defines this in his article: Becoming Emotionally Self-Reliant. He offers some great options and questions to help us put our emotional health into perspective. Me included.

I’ve been going through this transformation, albeit awesome and wonderful, has it’s potholes and bumps along the way.

There’s nothing wrong with being emotional. It’s how we cope with it and handle it. Check out Leo’s post linked above and ask yourself the questions he offers. Get alone and do some soul searching. I do it often. Meditating/praying is awesome at centering me. Being centered is vital to our mental health.

Coaching offers assistance in clarifying our life’s journey. Contact me for coaching sessions or questions about coaching.

Self Confidence Habits

We’ve all seen those personal development articles and posts that give tips for living a better life to be a better you.

I came across Kate Luther‘s post linked below:

The 5 Habits You Must Break to Become More Self-Confident

To be honest, our habits are formed by our mindset. What kind of mindset do you have?

There are two major mindsets: fixed mindset and growth mindset. The fixed mindset holds you prisoner and holds you back. The growth mindset launches you forward.

Which mindset are you? Whichever you are determines your outcome in life. You are able to adopt a growth mindset.

Here’s some steps you can take to jump-start your new mindset:

  • Identify words, thoughts and actions that restrict you and keep you a prisoner.
  • Once you begin to identify these you’ll be in a state of transition and easily choose the growth mindset.

In order to make these changes you must believe you are able and believe in yourself to do it.

Growth mindset looks like this:

  • Thoughts of: Being intelligence, Being skillful, Being talented
  • Sounds like: “I know I have a choice and I will do something about it.” “I’m not perfect, I just work hard.”
  • Actions look like: Finding new ways that work, trying new things that are effective, reject what does not work, sustaining your moving forward path.

If you slip, just start where you are and keep going forward. It takes 28 days to create a new habit.

Are you ready to grow? What will you do next to grow?

If you need assistance contact me for some life coaching sessions.

Defining Yourself

Daily we’re faced with doubts, fears and all manner of negativity. It comes from all types of sources.

Don’t let other people define you. It’s not their life; it’s not their story. Live your own life, and write your own story. Define yourself. -Uknown

When faced with these challenges it’s hard to not allow it get to us. I go through this too. I was bullied for a very long time.

Bullies have issues too. The reason they are bullies is because they don’t know how to handle their issues. The way they handle their {monsters within} is to attack other people to try to control them.

When others see in you what they fear they fight back to try to block it out.

Watch this TEDx video and see an example of what this gal did to overcome her self doubt and bullying: How Do You Define Yourself? Click the link.

zig ziglar quote

Don’t give anyone permission to control you. Show them the door and send them on their way.

Some tips to help:

  1. Have a good support system around you.
  2. Look in the mirror each day and tell yourself, “This is going to be a good day!” and make it so.
  3. Do something positive for yourself and anyone who happens to cross your path in the process.
  4. As the quote goes: “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Be an example.

Please share your experience. Let others know they can get through it, because it has been done. Letting others know they’re not alone in all this is an encouragement and a hope to keep going.

New Years Goals

Smart GoalsWe’re well into January of our new year. How are you doing with your goals/resolutions?

Many people set new years resolutions. Many set new years goals. Many do a combo of the two. Many do none.

It’s great to have goals, aspirations and dreams. The challenge we face is just as my life coach trainer posted on her blog: “Can you be guided by your feelings?” We get all emotional about it.

In order to be successful in life we must be realistic. Have you ever gone somewhere with anticipation and high expectations then were let down because it all turned out less than what you expected? I have!

Our lives are the same way. We get an idea for something. We get excited and anticipate its outcome. We do one of these things:

  • Mentally picture it at the finish without any goals or effort to get it done.
  • Set goals to accomplish our idea without any forethought to get it done.

What’s wrong with these things?

“Good intentions don’t really matter if they don’t lead to good actions.” -Ash Sweeney

Being emotional and allowing our feelings to drive us is a disaster waiting to happen. So, what do we do you ask? This is what you do:

Setup S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Specific (and strategic):  Linked to position summary, departmental goals/mission, and/or overall School of Medicine goals and strategic plans. Be as specific as you can.  Answers the question—Who? and What?

Measurable:  The success toward meeting the goal can be measured.  Answers the question—How?

Attainable:  Goals are realistic and can be achieved in a specific amount of time and are reasonable.

Relevant (results oriented):  The goals are aligned with current tasks and projects and focus in one defined area; include the expected result.

Time framed:  Goals have a clearly defined time-frame including a target or deadline date.

Examples:

Not a SMART goal:
Author will improve their writing skills.
Does not identify a measurement or time frame, nor identify why the improvement is needed or how it will be used.

SMART goal:
The Department has identified a goal to improve communications with administrative staff by implementing an internal departmental newsletter.  Sally will complete a business writing course by January 2015 and will publish the first monthly newsletter by March 2015.  Sally will gather input and/or articles from others in the department and draft the newsletter for supervisor review, and when approved by supervisor, distribute the newsletter to staff by the 10th of each month.

It’s common to miss the intended target date. There’s nothing wrong with this as long as there’s action. Extend the date to fit the need. Just do not give up.

This is usually where emotions and feelings take over. We begin to feel down and upset that we’ve missed our deadline date. Don’t allow this to happen. Keep plugging away at it. Leaving your emotions on the sideline allows for you to make progress. It’s important to resolve within yourself that your negative inner voice will not take over. Set in place a series of positive affirmations that you can refer to when you begin to get down.

“Successful people in life or business push through their feelings and in some cases ignore them! They step out and do things despite how they feel.” –

It is important not to be so hard on yourself if you make a mistake.

Mistakes are just practice while you become proficient. —Kimberly A Edwards
Tweet This

Live audaciously! Be bold. Check your feelings/emotions at the door. Step into a new life with this new year.

I Will Fight

I Will Fight

This Christian life is not easy.

I have an Enemy that is real.
I face battles that feel overwhelming.
There are times when I’m tired and I want to give up.

I will fight.

I Will Fight is an audio track recorded by Pastor Steven Furtick to help you get focused and to prepare you for the challenges ahead. Download the free track and build it into your daily rhythm. Whether you’re getting ready to work out, to suit up for your next game, or you’re in the car in need of a quick lift, you have an unstoppable God whose strength and power can help you push through and continue the fight – no matter what you’re facing.

You need guidance to move forward? Contact me NOW for life coaching sessions! We’ll work together to help you move forward.

Mindset: Fat talk

What does your inner voice tell you?

Disclaimer: While I am not endorsing Special K, I do endorse the message being sent in the video.

Watch this video:

We’ve all been brought up listening to everyone and everything around us. That includes negative talk. It sends subliminal messages to us about ourselves. We then adopt those things we’ve seen and heard without realizing it.

We are not defined by our circumstances. We do not have to accept the negative feedback. We can fight it. We can trade the negative for positive.

Learn to reset your inner voice and mindset to a more positive mindset.

Contact me for some Life Coaching session today.

Tricks to Deal With People Who Offend You

hug

Life can throw us some curveballs.

Leo Babauta is the author of zenhabits and several publications.

Some days are better than others. Leo outlines three tricks on how to cope with interruptions in our life at the link I provided at the very beginning.Sometimes, ok, all the time, many people are just plain rude and obnoxious… like a toddler in their terrible two’s. Click zenhabits link above and read Leo’s post.

Body, Mind & Soul From a Technological Point of View

Electronics Battery ChargeEverywhere you turn today you see someone caressing an electronic device, whether it be a mobile phone, mp3 player or tablet. When left uncharged, those electronics eventually run out of power. We are like this also; if we don’t recharge and restore our power, we run out of power too.

Have you ever been so busy and focused on a project that you forget to eat or drink and maybe even rest? Think for a minute about what happens to you. If you’re being honest with yourself, you will agree that you become exhausted and less productive which gets in the way of projects being completed in a timely manner.

Below are definitions of who we are:

The mind is defined in one aspect as: the faculty of consciousness and thought.

The body is defined as: the physical structure of a person, bones, organs and flesh.

The soul is defined as: the principle of life, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.

What are some of the causes of us being exhausted and drained? I’ll list some below.

  1. Over worked
  2. Not enough rest
  3. Not eating properly

This is where the rubber meets the road. We tend to believe we need to give 110% of ourselves and end up not taking care of ourselves. We tend to say yes to everything because in our minds we’re afraid if we don’t we’ll upset others, leading to us losing our job or losing friends. As a result, we end up eating on the run because we’re in a hurry to get somewhere or to do something else. Eating on the run typically means fast or junk food because it is quick and easy. Because of this, there’s more dis-ease today than ever before. Many researches are busy working out the causes, but, if we simply stop, step back and look at the big picture it will all come into focus. If we’re being true and honest with ourselves, we’ll see all the causes I have listed above.

The other aspect of this is that society has fed us so many lies that it causes us to create these unhealthy lifestyle habits. Looking back in history at the people in our lives and the influences they’ve had on us may reveal the lack of effective leadership or perhaps overbearing leaders. The leaders I’m referring to are parents, teachers and other authorities in our lives.

We need to learn to take back our lives and stop allowing others to influence us negatively. Here’s some tips to help you get started:

  1. Stop listening to the overbearing & toxic people.
  2. Seek positive levelheaded people to surround you.
  3. Stop saying yes to absolutely everything that is put in front of you. Choose only what you know you can handle well. It’s a matter of priorities. What’s most important? The rest can be left for others to handle. In order to deal with this we need to let go of perfectionism as well. It’s not the end of the World because something didn’t go over a certain way.
  4. Get proper rest. This is different for everyone, but generally means 6-8 hours.
  5. Eat good food and not overdo it. Portion control is key.
  6. Take time in the day to pray and read God’s Word. This is key to restoring our soul.

Recap: We sometimes need to change or recharge our batteries.

I offer Biblical Life Coaching sessions for anyone who finds themselves at a fork in the road not knowing which way they want to go. Contact me to set up a consultation session to determine your needs.

by

What Is Vulnerability?

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Dr Brené Brown

Vulnerable is defined as – being fully exposed emotionally. Allowing your soul to be seen.

Below Dr Brené Brown’s TED Talk video where she talks about her journey of research into vulnerability’s power.

We spend our lives hiding and numbing our emotions.

4 tips to be more vulnerable:

  1. Find out the root cause! It could be pride, fear of hurting or being hurt by someone. It could be a defense mechanism. Take your time to work it out.
  2. Reassure yourself! – Be positive. Tell yourself it’s safe to let go. Make that your mantra!
  3. Speak up! – It’s important to convey these emotions and get past your doubt conveying them.
  4. Strengthen your open habit! – Reward yourself somehow and keep being yourself and speaking your mind as much as possible.